Emotional intelligence, or EI, is understanding, using and managing emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and diffuse conflict. The term was first coined in 1990 by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey, but and popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman.
The Latin derivative for the word emotion, 'emotere', literally means energy in motion. Albert Einstein's equation, E = mc2, says when the amount of energy (E) of a body changes the mass (m) of the body will change by an equal amount to E/c2.
This says that energy and mass are interchangeable; they are different forms of the same thing.
In other words, since energy and mass are interchangeable, it doesn't matter how "the room", makes us feel if our energy can change it at will. Others less emotionally burdened employs emotional intelligence at will, but seeing how to do so wisely inspires us to use it for the good of all and the harm of none.
Changed squared. "C" in the equation stands for change at the speed of light, but could easily stand for consciousness "energy in motion" or emotion.
Energy is motion. Everyone and everything is in alchemical flux. The rub is, emotion does not change the law that forms it. In other words, the courage it takes to scale the emotional depths of MDT is interchangeable with the intelligence gained. regardless of how it feel, Einstein's Theory of Relativity proves a vibe can be changed at the speed of light. A vibe or emotion is more than a thought, it is the emotion it carries.
If the room is space mass distinct from our energy, we must ask ourselves what is the core of what we are feeling at all times to enact this elevated definition. This is doable when the energy used to hold the pain shame, blame and guilt is released in exchange for access to emotional intelligence.
We have the ability to distinguish between our energy and Mama's, we just have to change how we use this subtle energy.
empathy and emotional intelligence
Empathy is an important element of becoming more aware of the feelings and emotions of other people but they are not the same thing. Having the ability to “put yourself in another person's shoes” is different from being able to identify and regulate one's emotions and understand the emotions the others.
What defines emotional intelligence for empaths is the ability to read a room, perceive the energy, and achieve a favorable match with the people in it. The read, perceive, achieve formula matches the textbook definition to understand, use and manage your emotions before others.
While empaths have the innate emotional intelligence to feel others' feelings, empaths with MDT have limited emotional intelligence because they internalize their mother's unhealed maternal wounds, in addition to their own unmet maternal needs this produces an inability to distinguish between their feelings and others'. As a result, the effort it takes them to understand, use and manage emotions is equal to the amount of effort it takes them to decipher the difference between their feelings and mama's.
For empaths with the mother wound or Mama Drama Trauma (MDT), emotional intelligence is about knowing the difference between our emotions and others so that we can understand, use and manage them.
This tedious, full time, below minimum wage gig offers the dreaded payoff of the clarity, balance and confirmation they need to direct their highly sensitive radar away from what Mama and others’ feel and think toward their own emotions instead.
With MDT Mama is the room, the goddess and the law which is why doing the inner work to shift the focus is so dysregulating. The cognitive dissonance is soul dissociating, or traumatizing which is why so few accept the job and remain paralyzed with questions like:
Will I ever get out of this?
Am I doomed to repeat the same cycle of unmet maternal needs with my own children?
Is it even possible for me to develop the emotional intelligence to break the cycle?
If so, how?
emotional intelligence theory
Researchers believe that emotional intelligence includes emotional, perceptual, reasoning skills, and the ability to understand emotional emotions. The four branches of the model are divided into complexity with basic processes at the lower levels of understanding and expression of emotions, and the higher levels of conscious participation and regulation of emotions.
Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to manage your emotions and the affects of others' emotions.
how emotional intelligence is measured
There might be a misconception that emotional intelligence cannot be quantifiable.
The Mayer-Salovey-Caruso (MSCEIT) emotional intelligence is an ability-based test designed to measure the four branches of the EI model. Developed in conjunction with Mayer, Salovey and David C. Caruso, test is a 30 to 40 minute online exam. Answers to questions that look at how our brain processes, understands and controls emotions. While most online personality tests may be free, MSCEIT tests are subject to fees.
signs of low emotional intelligence
Since individuals with MDT have difficulty delineating between their feelings others’, based on this model they operate at the lower level of emotional complexity.
To expand emotional perception, psychologist Robert Pluchik's wheel of emotions is a therapy aid used in sessions to identify, tease out and verbalize one of our 8 basic emotions (joy, sadness, trust, fear, surprise, disgust, anger, and anticipation), and their specific thoughts and feelings.
Emotions comprise feelings and thoughts. Feelings are sensory perceptions of constriction and expansion, or an instinctive responses of hot, cold, safe, fight, flight, flee, fawn. Thoughts are innate and conditioned core ideas, beliefs and attitudes. Core beliefs illicit sensory perceptions and instinctive responses that form emotions. Emotions change as thoughts and the feelings about those thoughts change.
signs of high emotional intelligence
Intelligence is the ability to figure things out, or one’s intellectual quotient (IQ). While those with MDT can be highly intelligent, their emotional challenges limit emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence presumes a level of emotional health empaths with the mother wound aspire to and with focused commitment to their healing process can achieve.
To achieve the higher levels of conscious participation and regulation of emotions, they need to understand what healthy thoughts and feelings are for them, not others. Becoming more emotionally independent feels confusing, and they need support and, or a role model to learn how to be a conscious participant in their life by being more responsible for one's own emotions.
Potential Pitfalls
Low emotional intelligence often leads to potentially disastrous life outcomes in work and relationships which proves it is a critical component in for quality of life.
People lacking emotional abilities are more likely to argue with others and have low quality relationships. It can have several disadvantages and the lack of emotional skills comes as a challenge. Examples:
adjusting those toxic attitudes and making decisions to take actions that threaten MDT, and the life is sustains.
They need to use this understanding to self assess their emotional health based on whether or not they emotionally regulate externally or internally.
For those with MDT external regulation is unhealthy because it over relies on another’s emotional state, and is imbalanced by default. Internal regulation is healthy because it relies on one’s own emotional state which balances the tendency toward dysregulation or always going from 1-10.
Once, this kind of emotional awareness is applied on an individual by individual basis, management is possible! MDT is lifelong mourning of unmet needs for maternal presence, provision and protection.
why do some people have low EI
It can be due to alexithemia, autism or addiction disorders. MDT CYCLE
emotional intelligence and self mothering
While IQ, or the intelligence quotient of each individual determines their EI level, each quality is an inherent function of self mothering:
stress relief
effective communication
empathy
overcoming challenges
diffusing conflict
Understanding their need to do the inner work to distinguish between their emotions and others’ is how they are present for themselves to use their own thoughts and feelings to provide the self regulation they need to manage their emotions in self protective ways.
With practice, they quickly develop the intelligence to recognize solutions to emotional challenges they previously assumed would dig them forever. They go from low paid half hearted inner workers, to a well paid daily practice that allows them to identify MDT triggers, why and how they are showing up.
A big one that quickly becomes apparent, is how the need for self protection shows up as assuming instead of asking questions to avoid conflict. It’s a good example because it reveals how the core belief of unworthiness or soul unlovability and feeling unsafe create the emotion of fear. This is one example of dozens and of MDT fear based triggers empaths easily perceive once they initiate this work.
emotional intelligence Can be taught
Consistent understanding? How often do your colleagues cause conflicts? The differences between the individuals may stem from emotional intelligence. Unlike logical intelligence—a measure of a mental learner's abilities—emotional intelligence refers to how a person reacts emotionally to situations and isn't guaranteed A score or a perfect SAT score. Anyone who improves their emotional intelligence will just need some self-awareness.
In conclusion, how emotional intelligence is gained from the generational cycle of feeling maternal abandoned and abused is by acknowledging, addressing and adjusting one's emotional circuitry from external to internal source. Devoted inner work practice of rewiring for greater self awareness not only develops emotional intelligence, but can make it second nature.