How the inner child takes over the role as our mother is overlooked in our over focus on mothering or reparenting it. As a result of missing how and why this this happens, self mothering often fails to bring the goods. Our inner child, the wounded, rejected part of us with unmet maternal needs, develops is our first mother because it acknowledges the unmet needs of maternal presence, provision and protection we deny because it feels unsafe.
In a hyper focus not to rock the boat, attempting to remain safe in abandoning and abusive situations, we empower the inner child to finds ways to get our needs met. True for us and our mothers in this generational cycle of mother wound, but Empaths don’t just have the mother wound. Empaths have MDT. We not only feel hurt, we feel Mama’s pain from her own unmet maternal needs.
How does a child born of shadow, unrecognized, unregulated and unintegrated emotions mother? Does it have the experience and expertise to do so without hurting itself and others? The answer is terribly. Terrible Mothers are born into this unbroken cycle, impossible to break without acknowledging what our wounded narcissistic inner child needs. Until then, the shadow of our heart and mind is occupied by unhealed wounds triggers by mothering ourselves the same way we were mothered.
Let’s bring it to light so we can respond to MDT differently.
No matter how abrupt, inappropriate or unwelcome our triggers, raw emotion or behavior shows up, just remember that baby inside is always crying for OUR PROTECTION, PRESENCE, PROVISION OF at least one of the following: nurturing, support, appreciation, compassion, respect, space, encouragement or understanding.
Here, Narcissism is a term used to describe and characterize how we experience the mother wound, and specifically why it is the shadow side of empaths. The difference between our use of the word as a descriptive term and Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is noted in its formal definition and how it accurately describes how we react to having our needs denied and dismissed.
Because we feel Mama’s hurt from her own unmet maternal needs that means we also absorb her feelings of shame, blame and guilt for projecting it onto us. Most often, this process is unconscious and her and in ourselves. Not to mention, if she has NPD she is mentally unable to access these feelings without cognitive therapy and even then it is unlikely which is why it is important to acknowledge our models for motherhood, our powerlessness in causing, controlling or curing it. Otherwise, we further buries our wounded narcissistic inner child into the shadows.
The following tips help to reverse the loss of power through MDT conditioning in order to effectively self mother with our empathic abilities integrating our inner child instead of :
Lying to ourselves. Admitting over reactions. Give yourself a break PTSD is dysregulating.
Manipulating ourselves and others. Dialing down the people pleasing to avoid being shamed, blamed or guilted. That’s what MDT does.
Being selfish. Letting others take care of themselves. Neither you or others need to feel shame, blame or guilt about the time and space you need to decompress. You are an empath, an extreme HSP. It is what it is.
Blaming. Admitting mistakes, promising yourself you’ll do better now that you know better, and forgiving yourself to move on. (Eventually, this becomes an instant reaction as you stop looking for fault and finding more self acceptance).
Projecting. Staying present with yourself, protecting and providing your own needs. Fully owning your birthright to be happy, healthy and whole as you own and no one else’s.
Putting on a self-pitying drama. Surrendering to the situation as an observer. Use your ability to get a reading from the situation without attaching to it or its potential outcome to allow it to be less about you, and more for you.
Parentifying. Feeling responsible for others’ feelings. Be responsible for yours at all times knowing that is more than enough because it is the basis of good mothering.
The integrated inner child co-parents empaths who live in loving detachment from MDT. Expanded empathic self awareness through committed daily practice, enlightens understanding of our inner child’s cries for nurturance, support, appreciation, compassion, respect, space and encouragement. It informs how to self mother with anticipation instead of dread. Being more fully ourselves, we experience divinity identity every step of the MDT release journey, and all the good it brings.
Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers
Mama Drama Trauma Healing Oracle Deck (MDTHOD) supports the daily practice of release. Post a question for a reading.
What is MDT?
ANSWERS:
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How the inner child mothers us: